Several months ago, in the 2018 Goal setting newsletter, I suggested being focused and selective with your time. Lately, I was wondering what you focus on and pay the most attention to these days.
What do you listen to the most?
Talk radio
TV
Movies / Videos
Music
Friends talking
Other
Second question: is the message primarily
Positive, negative or neutral
Optimistic or pessimistic
Encouraging or discouraging
Educational or nonsensical
Your answers are important because how you feel daily is being shaped by what you listen to. What you focus on will increase in your life and be reflected in your attitude and actions.
The research on the importance of focus is deep and compelling.
Both Bill Gates and Warren Buffett, when asked what single factor most contributed to their success, said Focus.
Timothy Ferriss said, “Being selective—doing less—is the path of the productive. Focus on the important few and ignore the rest.”
An Unknown author said, “The successful man is the average man, focused.”
On an everyday level, the easiest way to mistakenly cut your finger while working in the kitchen is to focus on (look at) your finger more than the food you are cutting. Smashing a finger when hammering a nail happens most when you focus your eyes on your finger rather than the nail.
Returning to my first question, the correct answer to what you listen to the most is – for everyone – your thoughts. It’s what you say to yourself in your head – your self-talk. Yes, you talk to yourself, all day, every day, probably way more than you know.
Don’t be concerned that you talk to yourself, or even that you answer yourself, we all do. Be very concerned about what you say to yourself! It is slowly, silently and powerfully shaping your attitudes and actions.
Now that you know you listen most to your thoughts, how will you answer the second question – what is the primary tone of that message?
I’ve often thought it would be cool to connect my brain to a printer, and print every thought I say to myself for one day. Crazy, I know, but the results would be very telling.
If you recorded all your self-talk for one day, printed it out and then highlighted all the positive thoughts in green, the negative thoughts in red, and the neutral thoughts in gray, what color would dominate your document? Are you sure?
In his book The Power Of Story, world-renowned performance psychologist, Dr. Jim Loehr states, “I believe that stories – again, not the ones people tell us but the ones we tell ourselves – determine nothing less than our personal and professional destinies. And the most important story you will ever tell about yourself is the story you tell TO yourself.”
The truth is you are your biggest advocate or your worst enemy. You see, everything starts with a thought.
The good news is that no matter what thoughts you currently communicate to yourself, you can change them. They are only thoughts, and changing your thoughts is under your control.
Loving yourself is one of the most positive changes you can make, and impacts many other areas of your life. Louise Hay suggested the following: “The first step to loving yourself more is to stop criticizing yourself.”
Make a conscious effort to pay more attention to your self-talk. When you find yourself saying something negative, pessimistic or critical
stop dead in your tracks and hear what you just said to yourself
record or remember it so you can examine why you said it
change the message to align with how you want your life to be
In changing that thought to a positive, optimistic message, you are taking the first step in changing your reality. You can do it; anyone can do it when you focus on it!
What the heck happened? I don’t understand! You gotta be kidding me! I didn’t expect that to happen! That’s not the way that was supposed to turn out!
Have you ever felt that way after a conversation?
If you’ve ever gotten into a conversation expecting it to go well only to have it spin out of control and end badly, you will be interested in learning about the feedback loop.
Understanding and utilizing the feedback loop will help keep your conversations on track.
In the accompanying video, I explain this visual communication tool, and how doing the right things keeps a conversation on track, and doing the wrong things derails it. Keys points shown are
identify your purpose before beginning
action needs to match intention
understand how others affect you
act rather than react
We also need to address those conversations you expect to be difficult. Do you hesitate to have them or avoid them, even when it’s your responsibility to do so? Hotly contested conversations can pleasantly surprise you. Learn how
warm, comfortable conversations can result in not accomplishing your goal
challenging conversations can be very productive
One aspect of becoming an effective communicator is controlling your part of the conversation. It requires you follow key communication principles and avoid those tempting, reactive, self-defeating responses.
Learn these principles and watch your conversations improve to the point where you welcome all conversations, knowing you can hold your own, stay fixed on your purpose, and communicate effectively.
I delivered a speech a while ago titled Ain’t My Fault. I felt compelled to do it after reading countless articles on the disturbing trend of people blaming others for their mistakes.
What’s worse is that this victimhood trend extends to people blaming everyone and everything for the state of their life. It’s easy to take credit for success; mistakes not so much.
Conventional explanations for this trend are
The middle class is struggling to make ends meet and wants a quick payout.
Being civil to each other is on the decrease. We are becoming more self-absorbed and find it easier to take advantage of each other.
It’s easy to get away with things – things we know are wrong.
Regardless the actual origin(s), the effects are varied, profound and disheartening. I long for a time when every person looks in the mirror and says to themselves
This is who I am, what I stand for and believe in
I stand for integrity, honesty, and truthfulness
My actions reflect those values, and I’m proud of who I’ve become
Why is it critical to accept responsibility for your mistakes and shortcomings?
When you accept responsibility, you get a chance to learn the lesson that situation offered you.
Growth as a person requires learning those lessons; blaming others isolates us from the lesson.
Besides, life lessons are so persistent that if you don’t learn them the first time they appear in your life, they will keep reappearing until you do!
You may as well have the courage to say
What happened is my mistake; I accept it and the consequences.
What is the lesson I need to learn? OK, got it.
I will learn it, move past it, and become a better person.
When the next lesson comes, repeat that sequence. One of the keys to lifelong success is learning the lessons life presents us, and moving on to the next lesson!
When you accept responsibility for your actions, the rest of us will benefit, and we thank you in advance. Far greater than that is the fact that YOU will benefit.
If accepting responsibility is already your habit, Congratulations! If not, now’s your chance to position yourself for increased success.
Have faith! You have everything you need to learn life’s lessons within yourself.
Most of you know I’m a health conscious person who values physical and mental fitness. I was discussing training schedules with a physical trainer friend of mine, and she asked how I had modified my training regimen after suffering a heart attack and devastating shoulder injury nine years ago.
As I shared the details of my surgeries and subsequent lifestyle changes our discussion turned to when “good enough is not good enough” – situations for which perfection is the objective.
The greatest payoff of striving for perfection is that even if you don’t achieve it, you accomplish more than when you set the goal lower.
Accomplishing more rewards you with an enhanced sense of satisfaction and personal mastery.
Unfortunately, from time to time you may be tempted to settle for ‘good enough.’
Settling for ‘good enough’ is a dangerous, self-defeating habit to establish because it blocks you from reaching your potential.
In this video, you’ll be challenged to:
Identify the areas of your life that deserve perfection-based efforts
Evaluate your current efforts toward reaching your goals
Visualize how you can enrich life with perfection as the target
What areas of your life deserve an increased effort beyond ‘good enough?’
Remember, you accomplish more and feel better about yourself when you set your goals higher AND remain flexible enough to accept the ensuing results.
If you know of others who would benefit by setting higher goals for themselves, please pass this letter and video along to them.
That’s my perspective; what’s yours? Leave us a comment below this post and don’t miss the video on this topic on YouTube!
P.S. Next Week: Interviewing For Your First Leadership Position
surround yourself with encouraging people who regularly reach their goals
have a plan with a deadline
be focused and selective with your time
take action – avoid inactivity and procrastination
prepare to manage setbacks
leave no room for excuses
be committed – Success Is Not Convenient!
I want to talk about the last one, being committed, because the messaging today suggests this item isn’t necessary. Today’s trend in advertising suggests that reaching your goals is easy to do, and that hard work is a thing of the past for foolish people. You can
get rock hard abs with a one-minute workout
lose 25 pounds a day by taking a supplement and eating as much as you want
get rich in 90 days by following a simple ‘get-rich’ scheme
get anything you want, just because you want it
If these are so easy, why do so many people fail? They fail because they buy into the hype of how easy it is to change your life.
It’s true that recent advancements in technology, nutrition and exercise physiology are making things easier. To take advantage of them is wise. However, the suggestion that it is easy to make a significant change is being over-sold, and unsuspecting people are set up for failure.
Changing your life requires hard work and discipline. Expect there will be times when
it won’t be easy
you will be inconvenienced
you’ll question whether it is worth it or if you’ll make it
the price of success will be higher than you anticipated
Prepare for a battle, but always Expect Success. The possibilities are endless when you commit yourself to the principles successful people follow.
Work hard; celebrate hard! Make this year your most successful year yet.
With 20 of my closest friends, I recently celebrated the ‘well-lived life’ of a high school classmate who passed away.
We discussed everything from daily routines, life accomplishments, and family highlights, to broken relationships, failed careers, and life-changing accidents.
The theme that repeatedly surfaced was the importance of being prepared to take what life gives you and make the best of it. Life will undoubtedly throw you curve balls; how you adjust is what counts.
When I say ‘curve balls,’ most people envision dealing with failures and setbacks. In this instance, however, I’m talking about the curve balls that come with success.
When all your hard work pays off, and you finally reach the summit of that mountain you’ve been climbing, will you be prepared? Are your morals, ethics, and values solidly in place to withstand the challenges that are bound to come? Why do I ask?
We routinely hear about the
lottery winner who ends up broke
superstar who gets distracted by shiny objects, and loses everything
‘success story’ who fires the one person keeping him grounded, and squanders the career he worked hard to build
celebrity who lets success go to her head and turns into a jerk
To stories like that the average Joe says, “If that had been me, I would have handled it better than they did. Give me a chance; I’ll show you how to handle success!” Are you sure?
Though relatively common, we rarely hear about the
aspiring manager who gets a long-awaited promotion only to cave under the pressure
new parents blessed with a newborn, only to have their relationship end in separation
partnership that collapses when the title of breadwinner changes hands
marriage unable to withstand the travel schedule of the new Executive
The stories of poorly managed success look amazingly similar to the stories of poorly managed setbacks because they share a common thread; failure to prepare for change.
Are you certain who you are, what you stand for and what you believe? Is your support system in place, and have you identified the people you can count on when others fail you? Is your faith strong enough to withstand the challenges it will undoubtedly face? Have you anticipated the changes that come with success?
It’s not too early to consider these questions.
Each newsletter ends with Learn together, Grow together, Succeed together. I’m preparing you for success because with the effort you’ve been making lately success is undoubtedly headed your way!
